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Thursday, December 04, 2008

Random Miscelltoes

Freeform Verse:

Seen through the green haze of NyQuill
the world is a confused, confusing mash.
Vapor rises off mint tea, fingers thick
fumble the spoon. Soon to bed. Soon.


If I Get a Tattoo

I'm thinking of getting a literary tattoo, should I decide to ad art to my sagging carcass. "Live with Morality," maybe, or "Do What's Right, Not What's Easy." The first has fewer letters and probably wouldn't hurt as much.

Maybe I should get my ear pierced first or something, just to see how I react to needles.

I have a buddy who had his band's logo tattooed on his arm. Then he got a job in Houston and moved away... I wonder if his musical replacement got the same tattoo. Probably not.


Icky Icky Icky

I found out yesterday that I gotta have an operation on my schnozz. Turns out my beak's bent on the inside. My septum is a deviant. So they're gonna straighten things out in a few weeks.

The doc peeked at my file. "Oh, you had a sleep study done a while back. Why did you do that?"

"Because I can't sleep." (You'd think the doctor would be able to figure THAT out on his own.)

"It says here that you don't have sleep apnea or anything, but you're only getting 60% of the oxygen your brain needs. That's not good." The doctor paused to look at me. "How do you feel?"

"Stupid, for the most part," I answered.

"I can understand."

The doctor says he can fix my proboscis, and there's a good chance that'll fix my sleeping problem. He said he didn't know if he could fix my stupid, though.

During part of the exam the doctor got out a hose and shoved it up my nose. That hurt. And I mean he didn't just, you know, peek politely in my nose -- he jammed the tube at last eight inches into my head. "Oh, I see you had your tonsils out."

I just hope the operation doesn't keep me from working. And I hope I have work to do.

11 Comments:

Blogger The Vegetable Assassin said...

I think your tattoo should say "confused about tattoos" or "GIVE ME WORK DAMMIT!".

1:35 PM  
Blogger Beeker said...

Only 60%??? That explains a few things.....

2:20 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I could have my name done up as a bar code and have that tattooed on me, I suppose.

Yeah, 60%. It does explain a few things, doesn't it...?

2:32 PM  
Blogger SkylersDad said...

I came very close to getting a tattoo in the Navy (what a shock!)

It was the squadron emblem of the Anti-Sub group I controlled most of the time off of the Enterprise.

It was an Eagle holding two torpedoes in it's talons diving towards the water. The caption was "Death From Above"

Real subtle, eh?

3:06 PM  
Blogger Dale said...

I like the idea of a literary tattoo as well but I'm not sure I could settle on one that was meaningful enough to me, maybe something from Dr. Seuss? I have a small one (tattoo, not Dr. Seuss) and I'm a wuss because it hurt, no endorphins kicked in, and my friend laughed at me through the whole thing. Get my blog URL tattooed on you and walk around exposing it everywhere!

6:48 PM  
Blogger pistols at dawn said...

You should get a tat of you getting a tat. Meta, bro.

10:28 PM  
Blogger soul pumpkin said...

one of the Irish lads i know has a bar code and a "Made In Ireland" label tattooed on his arse...after a few pints, he'd be showin' to the women in the pub...
...a tattoo of one's self getting a tattoo, very interesting concept...i envision an M.C Escher sort of thing...

2:38 AM  
Blogger Virginia said...

Tattoo or hose up the nose? Hmmmm...I would pick the tattoo.

Actually I got a tattoo back in the late 70's...but that's another story...

Literary - you mean something like "Born to Read"?

VJP
In Sunny Santa Fe

3:45 PM  
Blogger soul pumpkin said...

...or perhaps "Born to be Mild"...

12:03 PM  
Blogger WendyB said...

Doctors have been trying to get me to have that operation for years. You go first and tell me how it is.

12:19 AM  
Blogger KatzeKitty said...

Complete works of Shakespeare?

11:46 AM  

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